Written on March 28, 2012, the one year anniversary of you passing.... A lot of memories between u and I. Things we did and things we didn't have a chance to do. Trippin talkin bout folkz was fun and it kept us laughing. Smoking cigarettes on lunch breaks or after the job to relieve the stress of a difficult day. Lunch breaks where we let go talking about any and everything. Text messages from you about the latest gossip or just to say hi or to pick with one another. Yeah we use to do that. Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Birthdays, Thanksgiving, and Christmas texts were missing last year. All but my birthday. You even got me a lil gift last year and it bothers me cause you were no longer here when your birthday came around for me to return the favor. I'm not here to eulogize you. Cause nobody is perfect and there were things you did that irked me...just like there were things I did that irked you. But we never argued. Maybe a smart word to close the subject. Or you'd roll your eyes. We were weird like that. I still hit the whip, under the crane and look for you from time to time. Miss those texts messages for drinks or honey buns while you were out on your feet in the sun and I was in the A.C. Sorry..There were days when we couldn't wait to go up just so we could see what you were doin down there. Random things you did to make the job go by. I worked with you and knew you for 9 years. We had our ups and downs like anyone. But I enjoyed you for the time we had together. I've always said that family doesn't always mean blood. Bond can make someone family and the bond we had made you so. Wish we had more time together.... That Saturday before it happened I got off the barge and you seemed you had a lot on your mind. I asked you what was wrong and you kinda shrugged. In routine I'd normally text you after the job we'd meet to smoke or you'd call and that convo would last till well after I got home. But someone pissed me off on the job that night and we both left without saying a word. And that eats at me till this day. Wish things were different. Wish we could've had that talk. That monday I rode right past you before it happened. I didn't look atcha cause thats the game we played. You knew I'd text you once I got upstairs or either you'd text me. After I talked to our home boy I turned around and it had happened. The most helpless feeling of my life knowing there was nothing I could do to help. Memories of how you'd holla to stop us from getting our asses knocked off when the crane operator was coming back from the ship. Your voice would cut through all that noise. Then the one time my brother caught wit us and he was pulling pins wit you and I asked you to look out for him cause he was green under the crane. You replied, "I got'em." Afterwards when I thanked you for showing him the work you said, "Thats your brother that makes him family." Its just not the words its knowing that you meant it. Someone told me that when you're at peace and you listen closely you can hear loved ones voices. And I do miss yours. But I already know what you'd be sayin...**Stop being punk**. Just know that you're loved and missed by many. And to me that job still isn't the same. Call it fate or what have you but you're not here and part of me left the moment you passed. But I'll hold on to your memory. That way you'll still be under the crane when I look for ya.

Chasing a Soul Smoke and embers carry the memory of your life through time and through space. Yet I'm holding on not letting go cause my soul feels out of place. I never knew how much u meant to me until it was time to say goodbye. I feel it now and in every tear everytime I start to cry. Letting go is hard enough cause your memory still exists. Chasing your ghost through out my days is somethin I won't miss. A single word a single smile would last through out my day. I'm sitting here just waiting here as your shadow starts to play. Listening carefully for a hint, that only my soul would know. I hope my words are carried to you across these winds that blow. Chasing your ghost and who I am is a chore that I must do. Until I'm at peace with this my thoughts will remain on you. For Paula By Kevin

I am I and you are you, whatever we were to each other that we still are. Speak to me in the easy way which you always used. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? Life means all that it ever meant, it is the same as it ever was.